Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
