you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
