Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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