butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
