I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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