Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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