After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
