i just had sex bonerless
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
