from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize