hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
