And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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