ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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