so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
