I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
