The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
