Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
