i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize