Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
