are you so shy because you have an std?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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