it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
