I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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