From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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