I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
