i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
