the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
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