i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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