I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
