I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
