I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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