puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
