dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
