i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize