so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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