I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
then he tried to convert me to islam
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
