My girlfriend figured out who you are.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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