It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
