So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
