i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
