Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
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