I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
