Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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