She announced her abortion via fbk
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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