omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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