is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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