you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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