We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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