Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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