i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
