was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
