When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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