The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
