I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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