This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize