Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize