you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
