Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
