I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize