I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I looked at my own cervix.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
