New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
