You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
