How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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