I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize