I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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