Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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