"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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