Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
