SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize