So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
