Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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