Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
