dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
