I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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