Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
