Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
