I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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