Porn is love you can see.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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